I hate you because
Every gentle kiss placed
Upon my lips feels like
The entrapment you used
To force upon them and the
Words of every love sing
You ever sang to me to still
Reverberate around my
Lonely mind and stick to
The broken soul you left behind

I’ll never again enjoy the
Joyous confusion of
The game of American football
Or the way strong hands
Feel on my back as they
Push my swing higher into
The air and farther away from
The chaos of life because
Those are some of the things
You took away from me
When you left without
A single hesitation

And when a new boy decides
He likes the way my skin
Feels upon his own
It won’t feel real to me
Neither will his hands running
Through the tangled mess
I call my hair even though his
Fingers will inevitably get stuck
Even when he tries to pull them out
I will believe I’m dreaming
That another could crave me
The way I craved you

Because you left and destroyed
My heart
My soul
My being

I will never again be able to
Feel anything but the loss
Of the one who tricked
Me into loving without
Planning to love me back

J.M.B.

And it’s happening again
I’ve got that late night
Heart break
Listening to our favorite song
Hearing the words we
Used to know by heart
I try to sing along
But my voice is long gone
That’s not all you took
When you left me alone
I used to be whole
Unbroken and pure
But you teased me with the
Love you were able to give
To nobody but yourself
Not that I blame you
I blame myself for gambling
My heart when I should
Have gambled yours
So now I lay down at night
Wishing you were my hand
To hold but only my own
Can be given to a broken soul
Such as my lonesome self
And I listen to the words
That used to sing love
Into our young hearts
But now reveal the truth
Of the game you played too well

J.M.B.

Winter Girl

The wind was cruel, cold to her skin in a way she had never experienced before. No matter how she tried to shield her face with her hands, it maneuvered around and found the tip of her already-raw nose. She was sure that her skin would be marked black as others’ skin from her village was after returning from long voyages through the Eternal Forest. Never before had she imagined how painful the beautiful winter she loved could be.

As a young girl, she had often ventured outside into the frozen snow as her mother cooked in an attempt to bring warmth into the bodies of her cold family. It wasn’t that she wanted to defy her mother, but that she was so enamored by the snowflakes that glistened on the ground. Each one was unique, as she liked to imagine people were, like she was.

Growing up in a family of twelve people, being unique was difficult. Growing up as the youngest of ten children; it was almost impossible. All of the clothes she owned had belonged previously to a sibling of hers, made obvious by the faded colors and outdated styles. Her hair, eyes, and even nose, were those of her older brothers; her small frame came from her mother, and her short legs from her father. Each trait that made her who she was was borrowed from one of her nine older siblings.

But she was unique.

What she loved, and nobody else did, was the winter. Yes, it was hurting her just then, but the snow was able to soothe her as nothing else was.

Teeth grazing my skin
Like the blade of sorrow
Kissing me slowly
And your breathy voice
Serenades me
Whispering the things
You wish to do to me
Like the demons
Thirsting for my death
But you are different
You touch my body with
Wondrous fingers and
The supple lips of lust
You’re not much different
Than the darkness
Inside of me but
I quake at your touch
Because never before
Has such a darkness
Delivered me such pleasure

J.M.B.

Fall

A dark abyss
It’s in your way
One side misery
The other Nirvana
Moving past the hurt
Now made impossible
To be okay
The jump must be made
Successful leaps
They’re not guaranteed
One simple catch—
The bottom of the pit is good
Screaming and thrashing
There isn’t a point
After cutting ties to life
Smiles will emerge
No more pain
No more disappointment
Say goodbye to it all
Jump into the abyss
Let go of your life
Just fall

J.M.B.